Monday, June 20, 2011

The art of Mourning and Grieving

This topic of mourning is something that is not leaving my mind even now after the intense year of personal growth. One aspect that I would like to address is this; it is obvious that people somehow confuse the two words mourning and victim! Having gone through the trama of the disaster of the flood, I realized that I was NOT a victim, but was simply experiencing life. I would not allow anyone to use the word victim with me, and I could not understand why everyone just jumped right in with this adjective or noun. This may have to do with the surprise element being involved. Historically, when people were violated by other people, for instance the Jews and the Nazis, I would consider this a victimizing situation. But for a naturally occurring disaster, and having the ability to independently and freely move through the situation with options and help, I do not veiw this the same as the previous. Although both situations are very harsh, it is understandable that they are very different also.
Perception is key also, being that people are at different levels of consiousness or insights. Therefore the perception will vary according to each individual. I also noticed that people not affected by the flood were also using the word victim in a judgemental way. Almost like saying that you did something to deserve it. This was a very interesting observation. By the way, one of the gifts when an individual experiences a disaster is clarity, and very very clear clarity. You are able to see right through human beings. This is a very interesting dimension. It was very clear that people were afraid that what happened to you, may also happen to them. Connecting them to their own mortality. So it may not be a good idea to be near you! Fortunately people were being given the opportunity to give and grow in service and kindness. Which is something, only in my opinion, that America being the over achievers that we are, desperately need. All is balance.
This is where the topic of mourning and grieving comes in. When an individual is involved in a disaster or trama of any kind, there will need to be grieving and mourning. This is a natural process. You may say "well we know this", well I have observed by the behavior of many, that many do not have a clue how to accept or handle when others are grieving and in mourning! I have had to literally explain and teach people to stop judging me as weak, and to please allow me to grieve and mourn and in MY time frame! Of course, life happens in order for us all to learn. Learning how to help others grieve and mourn without thinking it is someone just trying to be a victim is a great goal for us all. Compassion and empathy are a very necessary part of this life. YES, I am aware that people may become victims for their lifetimes, but that becomes quite obvious. But lets wait and see if that choice is made before we do any scriptwriting! If one has the opportunity to take the time with someone in this type of situation, you will be able to understand better what is truly involved, it helps one mature in handling delicate matters. But if you do not take the necessary time and effort to really care, then be very careful for yourself and your own life. We all come in the same way, do experience the same life, and leave the same way! This a fact, only the faces, the names, and events vary! God does Bless,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Peace Out! Debora Lee